Experience, not regret

September 8, 2018

Thinking back I struggle to remember exactly when and what my first drink was exactly, lots of miles and drinks since I was a toddler. Best guess I was six years old and had grabbed a drink of peppermint schnapps my grandfather or dad had placed in our farm truck under the seat. We lived in the middle of Nebraska and it got really cold there, that was the rationale for all the bottles under seats and in barns where I grew up. I started consuming the “candy cane drink”, it was a weird feeling I liked. Oddly I knew that even at 6 years old. This lack of remembering specifics about where all the drinking I supposed I chalk it up to unnecessary to remember.

Many years of using and escaping with self-medicating ended up becoming my normal, my wake up, open my eyes, breathe, want to not feel anything, like I said “normal”. I was just like millions of others who are struggling with how they feel in this world, but addicts go deeper, struggling with how I feel in me. Consequently, I don’t remember a first time I smoked pot or did mushrooms, dropped acid and ecstasy all more than 25 years ago, this did start in college, a social lubricant for sure.

I’m currently in the process of writing my second book, this is more focused on first stage recovery, not second stage recovery. This book, a second in a series is focused more on my total addiction recovery, which is more than just alcohol. It was time to tell my whole story, I’ve made a decision to share more about all my experiences with quitting first drugs, then alcohol, with a few other additions to round out my portfolio. I’m not unique, in recovery I’m honored to hear people’s stories about the complexity of addiction and trauma, recovery and relapse, and hopefully if they survive recovery again.